To whom it may concern:
I am writing to express my heartfelt recommendation for Ms. Felix Morgan for the writing position you have advertised. Ms. Morgan is a friend of mine, which is to say she doesn’t mind that I’m dead, and I don’t mind that she’s stubborn. Felix has many peculiar qualities that make her a strong writer despite her occasional disregard for punctuation conventions.
When Felix drinks she drinks whiskey and becomes argumentative or affectionate or, on occasion, both at once. She will show up early every day and make coffee. She’s built up an immunity to morning malaise that you would do well to take advantage of.
Her strengths lie in spinning yarns, eliciting laughs, and dreaming big. She works best when paired with someone content to chase after her ideas and tie them down to more boring realistic concepts. If your trade is in inspiration, in sunshine, in stories more true than you’ve previously imagined them to be, by all means hire this young woman. Give her space and structure and coffee beans. Extend the hand of true collaboration via high five.
If your Felix is malfunctioning follow these simple steps:
1. Check the power supply. Is your Felix positioned near a window?
B) Speak the reset command: “Tacos?”
Finally: To activate idea generating mode set the Felix to ambulatory conversation with a brisk walk around the block.
With optimal settings Ms. Felix Morgan will produce a high-quality stream of words and ideas. She’s not perfect, thank god, but enthusiastic, which is much preferable. Any questions may be directed to me via seance or shamanistic journey. I’ll be on the river, somewhere between the water and the stories that run on it.
Best of luck,